T and I go back a long way. Recently we were chatting about the role of organized religion in our lives and how we both find it hard to participate in it. I am Hindu, T is not and we both have the same challenges relating to the role of religion in our lives. I have always felt awkward at religious ceremonious at a temple and try to go there when nothing is going on so I can just spend some quiet time in front of the deity without having to go through the motions of a puja.
Now that we are both parents, we feel additionally challenged in trying to get our children connected to religion as we feel we must. J used to love going to the temple but after a few times of having participated in an actual puja, she is starting not to enjoy the experience. Whether or not that is on account of my attitude, I definitely blame myself for this change in J. There must be a subliminal sense of guilt about my inability to commune with my co-religionists because I would love nothing more than for J to able to do so.
I have always been awe of those who are conversant with rituals and participate in them with a great deal of enthusiasm. They seem to have something that is tantalizing within reach for me and yet I will never have what they do. It was surprising to hear T talk about the very same feelings. Apparently, it does not matter what the nature of your religion - polytheistic (like mine) or monotheistic (like T's), not being able to take part in it's organized aspects leaves one feeling unfulfilled and even like an outsider. I hope J fares better and different than I have though I am not sure how that might even be possible.
